Cease Fire
by PacificRomance
Summary: As much I want to hate you, it can never compete with how much I love you.


A/N: So, this is not how things are going to play out on the show, and this might be completely awful, but it made me feel better to write it. I had to vent. I hope you like it too.

…

"Do you want to know why she really had to go? Do you want to know the real reason why I sent her away?" She asked angrily with her hands on her hips. This is what things like had been like between them since he had declared war, constant bitterness and fighting.

"Yes, Waldorf," He seethed, "Please give me some insight into your twisted rationale."

"I drove her off because you weren't really being you with her. She changed you."

"Yes, she did," He agreed, "For the better."

She shook her head, "That is what you keep saying, but it isn't true. Everything you did with her, it wasn't genuine. It wasn't you. When we met in Paris you told me that I was the only thing you ever loved and when I gave back your ring and told you I didn't love you anymore, you were heartbroken,"

He opened his mouth to protest but she held up a finger, "Don't even try to deny it. I know you just like you know me and I could see it all over your face. And yet, just days after that we came back to the city and you were out flouncing around with your perfect, little blonde girlfriend telling everyone how she was the only one who could change you and the only one who could make you better and how she was the only good person who ever loved you. You lumped me right in with all the other bad things from your past, like I was just another mistake; another poor decision that you regretted. Did you really think I was ever going to stand back and let you do that?"

His anger had faded slightly, "Blair, I never intended to make you think that-"

"Well, that's how it seemed." She could feel her emotions rising and she tried her best to keep them at bay, "In Paris, at the train station, that was the real you. That was the Chuck Bass who I knew; the Chuck Bass who loved me, who was so heartbroken over hurting me that he ran away. That was the Chuck Bass that I had seen grow and become a better man while still holding on to the things that made him who he was. That was the Chuck that I loved…that I still love."

His eyes widened at her confession, "But after Eva left I asked you, you said you didn't-"

"Of course I said that." She explained, "I couldn't let you know how I really felt, I couldn't give you that sort of power. You were walking around here flaunting your new, perfect girlfriend, your little French angel, your _savior_. But you forgot that if it wasn't for me there wouldn't have been any Chuck Bass for her to save. I was there after your father's death, after you came back from Bangkok, after his will was read. And last year, on the anniversary of his death, when your mother came back, when she betrayed you, and after everything with Jack, I was there. I have saved you more times than I can count, but Eva throws some vodka and a dirty bandage on your wound and suddenly she is the love of your life?" She shook her head, "No. I couldn't just let that happen."

"I never said she was the love of my life."

"You didn't?" She sneered, "Well, you were sure acting like she was. And don't you think that it hurt me to see you like that? To hear you talk about her and call her the best thing that ever happened to you? Don't you think it was painful for me to witness you treating our whole relationship like it was nothing?"

"It wasn't nothing," He told her, "And I never meant to make it seem like that. But in Paris, at the train station, you lied to me. You told me-"

She closed her eyes and sighed, "I know what I told you, Chuck,"

"So then why did you say it? It wasn't because of Eva there…"

"No, it wasn't. It was about you." She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, "My heart was broken. It had taken me all summer, but I had managed to piece it back together, even if it was only with scotch tape. I seemed strong, but really I was barely holding it together. I wasn't ready to give my heart back to you because I couldn't trust you with it. If you had hurt me again, I wouldn't have survived." She shook her head and looked down again, "But I couldn't let you leave either. I much as I didn't want to see you; I couldn't even begin to fathom never seeing you again."

"Blair, I understand why you couldn't trust me, but you shouldn't have lied to me. I would have…" He paused and ran a hand through his hair, "You still shouldn't have done what you did. You had no right do to that to Eva or to me."

Her eyes narrowed angrily, "Oh really? Was it any worse than, oh I don't know, selling me for a hotel or sleeping with one of my worst enemies?"

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Are we ever going to get past that? Are you ever going to forgive me for those mistakes?"

She pursed her lips and closed her eyes, but when she responded her voice was a bit softer, "If you recall, I already forgave you for one. And as for what happened with Jenny, it still hurts," She paused for a moment before she shook her head, "But not nearly as much as it hurt to see you with Eva." Her voice broke as she asked, "Why did you even bring her back here?"

He swallowed, "I thought-, you told me that you didn't love me-"

"But I was lying!" She interrupted, "God, you've always said that you know me better than anyone, that you can see it in my eyes when I'm lying, but you couldn't see it then? That was probably the most blatantly obvious lie I have ever spoken and you couldn't even tell?"

"I didn't want to," He said quietly, "I wasn't good enough for you. I didn't want to hurt you again. I think I believed that if I pretended it was true then maybe one day you would move on and it would be. After I got shot, one of the things I realized is that I never really deserved you."

"No, probably not," She conceded, "But I never deserved to have to watch you stomp all over our relationship like a cigarette butt on the sidewalk."

His jaw clenched, "I told you, I wasn't-"

"Then what were you doing, hmm?" She raised an eyebrow expectantly, "With Eva? What was that?"

"That was me trying to forget," He hissed, upset at being made so vulnerable, "I couldn't think about our past, or remember all the good moments in our relationship, because I would only end up hurting you again. You needed to move on and I needed to let you." He squeezed his eyes shut, "As long as I was with Eva, and you weren't right there in front of my face, I could almost forget about our time together," He licked his lips and looked her in the eyes, "I could almost pretend that wasn't the happiest time of my life."

"Chuck-"

"Look, Blair, I'm sorry about the whole Eva thing and everything that happened before that and everything since then," He smirked sadly, "The war is over. I'm calling it off. I can't-, you don't deserve it. I've already put you through enough. I really am sorry."

"I think you have apologized enough," Blair smiled back, "And maybe-, maybe forgiveness isn't as far off as you think. One thing I've realized is that you were right about at least one thing: We're inevitable. As much I want to hate you, it can never compete with how much I love you."


End file.
